Maybe I am tired and maybe it is the headache I have been
fighting this week, but I am inches away from giving up on SecondLife (SL)
again, maybe for good. Is it just me? I am so tired of meeting men who claim to be
Dominant, but who are really just interested in the lifestyle because they
think it is just easy access to free porn.
In case you have not noticed but those lumps on the front
of my avatar are breasts. Very nice ones
I think. They are meant to be a really
good indicator that I am a girl. And yes
I am a girl behind the keyboard too. Okay,
I know that some men like to play girls in SL, but let’s face it most of them
are over on lesbian sims chasing other girls.
I do have a couple of male avatars, but they are not for
socializing. That being said why is it
every time I meet a guy in SL who claims to be a Dom he wants me to kneel for
him and within a very short time (always less than 24 hours but rarely more
than one hour) he wants me to perform some sexual act on him. Really?
Would you go to a bar and meet a girl in real life (RL) and treat her
like that. I could understand if I were
meeting these people in a dungeon or a sex club but shopping in a mall? Or even just someone you say hello to in
passing and they strike up a conversation with you so you are polite and chat
back with them? Would you approach someone in your local library and ask them
to sit on your face? That would be
absurd.
And my second point is the strange use of swearing to
excess or the use of vulgarities to describe a woman’s body parts. “Hey baby I want to F_ _ _ you so hard that
your juices will run out of your C_ _ _ and then I will lick them up.” Is not a way to get a girl's attention. I am shocked that I even need to point that
out. Okay, maybe this could be funny if
it is someone you know well, but why do people say these things when you have
just met them? This might be how men
talk to each other, but it is not how most women talk. When a ‘man’ speaks to me like this it sends
up red flags and usually the next question out of my mouth is, “How old are
you?” Because it is a really good
indicator that he is either young and very immature or is, in fact, a teenager
trying to talk as he thinks grown men speak to a lady. Either way I am headed in another direction
and fast just to be on the safe side.
I do not understand why it is that men do not understand
that women respond very well to respect and intelligence. There is nothing that excites me more than
someone who can carry on an interesting conversation.
I have toyed with polyamory
and I can certainly see the draw, specifically as it applies to SL. However, I think that is widely misused by
some. Polyamory is not an excuse to be
careless and insensitive. It is an indication
that there are shared feelings of caring and respect. I find that many of the men in SL use it as
an excuse to collect women like conquests without any thought to making an
honest connection to her. In order to
submit to anyone I need to feel some sort of draw to that person. A connection of one kind or another;
intellectual or physical, however, both would be nice.
I read something tonight that I have heard many
times before, but it really made me think tonight. The saying is, “When one door is closed to
you another will open, but if you are standing too long staring at the closed
door you may miss one that is opening.”
I know that I have been staring at the door closed by my
ex-Meester. Part of me still hopes that
he might return someday. Not the rational
side of me. I know that after being left
twice I could never fully feel safe enough to trust that bond again. But I have been trying so hard to fill that
void that maybe I am the problem. Maybe
the issue has been with me all along.
Maybe I have been looking for someone who can be everything my ex was,
but no one can possibly do that. There
is one who comes so amazingly close and is so far beyond good to me. I do not know where he finds his level of
patience, but I also fear he will give up on me soon. I sometimes wonder if I just met him at the
wrong time. We became friends while I was
still with my ex and somehow I cannot overcome the title of “friend” and let go
and change it to “Master”.
I think I am coming to the conclusion that polyamory
is not something I am good at, but I really do not know how to proceed from
where I am. So I escape into my story. In my story the men can be rough and
certainly at times some of them are not even good Doms, but she is not treated
as a trifle with disrespect. Many times the ‘Doms’ I meet in SL leave me
feeling creepy and make me wonder if I have completely lost my self-respect by
even staying there.
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